I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
