As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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