Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
