An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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