My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
