hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
