i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
