is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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