Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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