White coat. Heels.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
