By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
