I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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