I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
