This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
