I skipped work to stalk him.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
