So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
