We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
