Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
