im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
