We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
