And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
