idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
