I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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