Apparently you make a good broom.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize