I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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