My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
