I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
