i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize