please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
