Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
