I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
