We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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