You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
