oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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