Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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