I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
