I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize