No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
