john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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