He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
