craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
