I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize