If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
