hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize