I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
