i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
