so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
