I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
