I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize