Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
