Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
