I didn't shave. On purpose
I think my vagina is haunted
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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