I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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