the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
