I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
