Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize