I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
