Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
