yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
