i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
