You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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