i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
