Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
