Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
