He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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