my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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