She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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