Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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