I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
