I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We named our party play list daddy issues
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
