I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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