it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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