Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
