these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize