Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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