Where is the hickey?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
