So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its liver damage thursday
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
