She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
