Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize