just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
