If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
