The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
