i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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