I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
