I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
