the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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