Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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