Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
