Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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