So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
