I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize