We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
