he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
