and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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