like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
