this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Bring me that man meat
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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