I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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