I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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