i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
