The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there was a trapeze. enough said
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
