Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
