i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
