I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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