then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize