I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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