Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
